I'm off to sunny spain......

In need of a whole new wardrobe for the impending Hen party on friday, i made a mad dash to primani to stock up on all my essentials including:

orange tulip dress
black linen pants
black skirt
4 vest tops
4 underwear sets
tights
necklace
bangles
ear rings
bag
purse
towel
brush
pyjama bottoms
make up bag
pink eyeshadow
flip flops
fold away magic pumps


Total: £100.98!!!!

What a bargain all that for a hundred pounds, i saw the exact same dress (orange tulip) in topshop for £65 last week and although it's not usually my style i decided to live dangerously and be a little more daring as i never get to dress up much. Not sure orange is my colour though, the last time i wore it i think i was eleven and even though I'm roughly the same age as Cheryl Cole (who has sported a dress very much like mine recently) that's where the similarity begins and ends! I'm not a size 6, toned, tanned dark haired doll like siren, i am a blond, pasty, curvaceous(lumpy) size 14 and the only doll i resemble is a cabbage patch one or at least i will after the flight!

I know my shopping spree wasn't exactly ethical but we are in the middle of a credit crunch don't you know and anyway the money I've saved from not shopping in zara and topshop can now be happily spent on a blow dry and a (very MUCH needed) spray tan!


Well that's how I'm justifying it and seen as i am in denial about my actual body shape, I'm really size 8 trapped in the body of a flump, i cannot allow myself to waste a lot of money on clothes that will no longer fit me once I'm back to my svelte pre - baby weight. This insane rationalisation has been going on for five years now and i am convinced that once I've started my extreme diet, I'll be a size 10 again in three months and can buy a load of new clothes form Karen Millen and ted Baker - the problem is i have no will power and I'm in danger of looking like makka pakka forever!

Panic attacks and agoraphobia

Calm has descended in the bold house after what has been a nightmare of a morning. The twins are having their nap and fi is busy painting at the table - silence is golden, but I'm making the most of it as it definitely will not be for long.

The terrible twins have tag teamed me all morning with incessant and totally unjustified screaming, bottles, juice, toast, weetabix, bananas, grapes, even a biscuit or two have not done the trick still they cry as if it is the end of the world with real globe sized tears streaming their bright red tomato faces.

I tried bathing them to calm them down that didn't work, and as soon as i tried to wash out the weetabix matted in their hair and snot that had crystallized in their eyebrows they erupted again, culminating with Evie pooing in the bath. After evacuating the shitty water, i attempted to fish the poo out of the bath and in doing so neglected the fact they were still without a nappy, yes you guessed it Bella felt left out and so to rectify this she proceeded to poo all over the new bedroom carpet, i only realized when i smelt it and by this time she had walked it in and it was stuck in between her toes and squished all over her heal.

After round two in the bath i am pleased to report there was no more pooing, but the crying never stopped. Trying to put the dishes away i tripped over a twin who was clinging to my ankles and smashed 4 plates - luckily no one was hurt but the same can't be said for my lovely teal blue "posh" dinner plates. I think maybe that babies are like animals and can sense your moods and then tend to replicate them.

I've found myself getting highly emotional the past couple of days, crying whilst watching the London marathon on more than one occasion, losing my temper a lot and i even had a panic attack yesterday which was just awful. I 've had them before, they started when i was about 19 on my gap year working in Switzerland as a chalet host, i put it down to the altitude, home sickness and my fear of dying whilst snowboarding or in one of those horrendous cable cars! Yet they only lasted a week or two and had more or less disappeared until November when my mother in law died. Since then I've had three, two in the car and one on a jam packed train at Christmas time.

Yesterday's was by far the worst, Mr bold and the big girls had nipped into the supermarket and he locked the car without thinking with me and the twins inside. I was busy reading YOU magazine and catching up on Liz Jones latest instalment about her dead cat when i suddenly realized i was trapped - panic set in, i felt a hot flush rise all up my body to my head, palpitations started, i felt like i couldn't breath and was going to die - irrational as it sounds now i just went CRAZY and i needed to get out but i couldn't. Shaking and trembling with fear i managed to get the attention of a man in the next car and mouthed to him my sir name and asked if he could get the supermarket to announce over the sound system that i was trapped in the car - what he must have thought of this raving lunatic i dread to think - but obligingly he did as i had asked and went on his way. Some 10 minutes later Mr Bold and the girls emerged laden with bags of naughty food oblivious to my panic and terror. As soon as i heard the sound of the car unlocking i jumped out and took a huge breath, then began berating my poor husband calling him all names under the sun for not coming to my rescue sooner - apparently he hadn't heard the announcement in the supermarket. He wasn't at all fazed by my plight and was mortified that i had acted like a loony attracting the attention of passers bye when i knew he would only be a few minutes!

I'm lucky to have such a sympathetic husband, but i suppose if you have never experienced a panic attack like that then i probably did appear neurotic and dramatic. I'm really worried now though, as i am off to Spain on Friday for my friends hen party and the thought of getting on a plane fills me with dread, even though i have never had a panic attack on a plane before and i am perfectly fine with flying. I don't want it to ruin what will be my first girlie holiday since i have had children (the last was Cyrus and sooo much fun) but i can't help but worry now. Last night i decided to google "panic attacks" and not surprisingly my findings have done little to dissipate my fears. Apparently i have panic disorder and am agoraphobic, Below is the definition of agoraphobia:

Agoraphobia (from Greek aγορά, "marketplace"; and φόβος/φοβία, -phobia) is an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. As a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. In severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to his or her home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."

Indeed this totally explains the terror i feel at just the thought of going near a motorway - in "which there is no easy means of escape". My friends often poke fun at me about this and my husband who is extremely pragmatic and tackles everything head on is simply dumbfound at my inability to lead a "normal" life. I cannot handle change, won't step out of my comfort zone and my heart beats like a drum at the thought of having to drive in an area i do not know - i only travel within a radius of 10 miles, and i have to take exactly the same routes each time avoiding busy crossroads or t junctions.

I feel like a freak now, especially since my husband seems to think it's all in my head - of course it is - but i can't simply just "get over it" like he seems to think i can. Anyone any answers???

Not pramface!

Being a mother of four at the ripe old age of 26 raises a fare few eyebrows, and on establishing the rather large brood in front of them are ALL mine people tend to take a sharp intake of breath followed by the usual:

"Are they all yours?"

"you've got your hands full"

"rather you than me"

"good luck with that lot"

"you need to get a T.V in your house love"

"oh my god"

"don't know how you cope"

"you deserve a medal"


Honestly you would think i was Vicky Pollard by the looks of disdain shot my way. Me and my husband have been together for ten years now, it is the only serious relationship i have ever had, admittedly only half my brood have been conceived in wedlock - but still by today's standards that still makes me positively saintly.

Is it just me or do any other young mums out there get tarred with the same "pramface" brush?

I want to scream no I'm not a 4x4 mum (sorry Ulrika), i am happily(most of the time) married to the father of all my children, i am relatively well educated thank you very much and I'm a bloody good mum! I have just happend to live my life back to front!

Random questions?

My gorgeous four girls




"Mum why does Santa's sleigh not have seat belts on it?" - 4 yr old

"mum why are we shaped like rectangles?"

"Why are my eyes round like a circle?" - 3 yr old

"Can plane's fly to heaven?"

"Mum does the easter bunny live on easter island?"

"can we go to new york tomorrow?"

"why does tomato ketchup have tomatoes in it?" - 4 yr old

"mummy why do you have boobies?"

"mummy why does daddy have boobies?" - 3yr old


All these questions in just three hours, i need to go to bed now so it can all start again tomorrow:)

kids arn't made for walking!

My feet are throbbing and my legs feel like lumps of wood, I've just returned from collecting the girls from preschool and what should have been a leisurely 30 minute stroll has taken nearly three hours.

Firstly Fi insisted on stopping for lunch at the local cafe where we had soup and sandwiches followed by lots of fruit to keep the twins happy. Next we called at the bank to get some more pennies as i had spent up on lunch, we then needed to stop by the shop for some washing up liquid and juice which resulted in a tantrum over mini eggs - I'm pleased to report i did not give in although I'm still not sure who i was punishing given that i can still hear ringing in my ears!

Nearing home i suddenly remembered our ant infestation and made an about turn to the handy man store where i purchased ant powder and spray - I'll get rid of them little buggers once and for all!

Poor fi's legs gave way just as we were making progress so i bribed her with the promise of choccy buttons if she'd stop crying and make it home without me having to maneuver a double buggy, bags of shopping and a screaming 3 year old with only two arms.

With the finishing line in sight and home literally around the corner Fi hit the floor, tripping over her own feet and grazing both knees. super sonic screaming ensued and no amount of chocy buttons was going to calm this situation so i tried my best to carry her home to no avail, when out of nowhere my friendly local florist, who happens to live at the bottom of my road, appeared from her house like a fairy godmother.

Fi was all smiles again in no time, lapping up the attention and the twins had finally fell asleep. Florist lady then gave me the low down on her new nightmare neighbours - they had done a moonlight flit from their last home owing three months rent (which just happened to be two streets away) and this is the fourth time they have moved in 18 months! Apparently they are notorious for fleecing unsuspecting home owners out of months worth of rent and now no local estate agents will touch them with a barge pole - unfortunately florist Lady's previous neighbours had handled things themselves to avoid paying any agency fees and are only now finding out about their tenants abysmal reputation. Some people have no shame!

Happy Holidays

Well my nerve's are shot, my patience has evaporated and my home is even more of a bombsite than it was before the half term holidays began but finally i can now see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Yes today is the last day of the easter holidays - thank Christ, we have had an action packed two weeks including several easter egg hunts, lots of walks to feed the ducks, trips to the park, disastrous bike rides, many play dates, picnic's, visits to the local pets corner and a few tantrums thrown in for good measure. School along with the frantic regimented mornings of packed lunch making, breakfast inhaling, getting four kids up, dressed and out the door hopefully all with sparkling clean teeth will come as a welcomed relief!

Today we had planned a family trip to a local museum hoping the lasting memory of the holidays would would be of educational fun not of eating 90 easter eggs and playing dens in the garden, yes i want the teachers at school to think I've made more of an effort than plying my kids with chocolate for two weeks and letting them run wild making their own fun. Instead due to Mr Bolds erratic working hours we have had to postpone the museum until further notice and settle on trip to the swimming pool for daddy and the big girls - yes mummy will be staying at home with the twins trying to make some headway on the two months worth of ironing i have piled up in the spare bedroom - out of site out of mind, well that's my excuse.

The girls are now eagerly awaiting daddy's arrival with swimming caps at the ready and 2 minute intervals of "when is daddy home?" and "It's not fair...he's taking to long!"

To be fair he was due back half an hour ago but he has just called to say he's running a little late and will be another hour, now all i have to do is keep them entertained till he gets here and I'll have made it through the holidays relatively unscathed - compared to the last school holidays that's a huge success.

Slummy mummy

Having scoured the empty fridge and the bare cupboards for something to rustle up quickly for the kids tea i realised the easiest option was to shut the twins up (who were clinging to my limbs screaming like banshees) with a bowl of cereal and a yogurt or two. I know I'll hardly be a candidate for mother of the year but it did the job and i then had a moments silence to think of something to make the older two - i settled on a tin of Heinz tomato soup (it was either that or evaporated milk) and the last three slices of bread.

Whilst rustling up the soup(taking all of 3 mins in the microwave) Mimi came rushing in from the garden demanding to know what exactly is for tea and if she could have another Easter egg instead, she stopped in her tracks when she noticed the twins munching on a large bowl of cornflakes each.

"muuuumm" snigger "why are the twins having cornflakes for dinner" snigger.

I then began to explain that mummy and daddy had not been shopping yet, but before i could finish, she was skipping outside into the garden to announce to her sister and the whole neighbourhood what a terrible mother i am.

"Guess what Fi the twins are having CORNFLAKES for the tea"

"CORNFLAKES"Fi shouts "but mummy why have you give the twins CORNFLAKES for their tea?" she says whilst trying to fit her head through the kitchen window with her bike helmet on to get a closer look at the twins.

The two of them then persisted to giggle with one another and discuss how bazaar it was to them that mummy had given their sisters cereal for tea, loud enough for my nosy neighbours to hear everything. Oh the shame!

In my defence i would like to add that the Easter holidays has played havoc with our usual shopping schedule, i can assure you my children are usually well fed and get their five a day (most days), so to avoid any further embarrassment or a call from the social services I'm am off now to the local supermarket to stock up on LOTS of perishables. With four kids in tow I'm not sure I'll have the time or the energy once we make it back home to cook a cottage pie from scratch - it's more likely to be fish fingers and frozen veg, well it's definitely an improvement from last nights menu.

Kids say the funniest things.....not!

Last night i made a rare escape from the mad house and went to see "the boat that rocked" at the pics with one of my mummy friends(trips to the pub to get pissed are usually reserved for my childless friends who still vaguely remember me pre- kids and therefore don't look at me with disgust when i drunkenly fall over and cut my knee open). The film was surprisingly funny, but to be honest I'd have watched paint dry if it meant eating popcorn and ice cream in peace.

Arriving at my friends house to pick her up i noted to her daughter, who's the same age as Mimi, that the pizza she was prodding around her plate at the dinning table was in fact one of Mimi's favorite dishes to which she replied:

"I don't like pizza, and john doesn't either mummy does he?

"Yes you do like pizza, and john does too now eat your dinner or there's no desert" my friend shot back.

"But mummy john doesn't like pizza, remember when he threw it at my head".

my friend calmly replied "now you know we don't mention that in front of other people sweetie, and he didn't throw the pizza at you he was aiming for mummy and missed."

LOL!!!!!!!!!! I nearly wet myself which isn't that difficult considering the state of my bladder control after pushing out 4 sprogs, but seriously the horror on my poor friends face was priceless and as she quickly began to regale me with details of how "pizza gate" unfolded(a standard domestic which resulted in her partner of 3yrs flinging pizza at her and missing) it took me back to when my 4 year old dropped me well and truly in the shit!

Just before christmas we asked my sister if she could do a spot of RARE babysitting and when i say rare i mean rare - i can't remember the last time she looked after them for me. Now i have to add me and my husband were not doing a spot of christmas shopping or catching up on some much needed "couple" time how i wish my life were that indulgent, no we were off for 1 hr to meet with a vicar and arrange my amazing mother-in-laws funeral(who had passed away suddenly 5 days earlier). My poor husband who was and still is devastated and in complete shock was understandably reluctant to meet with the vicar and wanted nothing to do with the funeral arrangements (luckily i eventually persuaded him he'd regret it if he didn't) wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible and so wasn't impressed when my sister telephoned (15 minutes after we needed to leave) to say she was on her way and would be another 10 minutes late due to the fact she had got held up talking to friends whilst shopping!!!!
I can't remember exactly what was said but lets just say my husband wasn't happy when i reported my sister would be another 10 minutes late and so my children were privy to some rather colourful language. Once sis had arrived seemingly unaware as to the distress she had caused and without an explanation as to why on such a difficult day she was late and very unapologetic, we left to meet the vicar only to find we'd missed out on all the decision making, the hymns, readings etc had already been chosen by the rest of my husbands family.

On our return home some 40 minutes later, my husband inconsolable with grief had completely forgotten about my sisters inconsiderate tardiness as had i, we were met by my brother who had been summoned without explanation to take over babysitting duties as my sister had to leave right away. I asked Mimi if she had any idea as to why auntie S had to go and she said:

"She was upset when i told her that daddy said she was a "fucking fat bitch", and that mummy said "well don't worry i won't be asking her again".

O.MY.GOD!

Yes my four year old had well and truly dropped me and hubby in it, i was mortified as was my husband who had meant absolutely no malice by it, it was a slip of the tongue during what was the most difficult time of his life and was supposed to be for the confines of our own home and never to be repeated. Yes the beauty of having kids is that you can never be sure if anything you say or do whilst in their presence (intended or not) will remain private.

My Husband wanted to call and apologise straight away but i assured him she would understand when she had calmed down that he did not intend to hurt her feelings as it was a private conversation, and anyway he had a lot on his plate without worrying himself about this. I later apologised to my sister after the funeral was out of the way, we had more pressing issues to deal with at the time and were struggling just to get through the days but to my astonishment she did not accept my apology gracefully. She was still extremely angry and could not believe we had the audacity to complain that she was late when she was doing us the favor (i can't wait till she has kids) and "So what if i was five minutes late" she retorted (actually more like twenty five minutes late and considering the circumstances it was a big deal, i mean how often does your husband have to arrange his mums funeral? Anyway relations are getting better now, things aren't as frosty anymore and once christmas was out of the way we were on speaking terms again although I'm not sure things will ever be back to normal completely - kids eh?

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter, now it's nearly over thank god, i can finally get started with that diet again, well that is when I've helped the kids get through the 12 remaining chocolate eggs they have left. My children are proving harder to please each year, now mimi's nearly five she's no longer impressed with my attempts to keep their chocolate consumption down to a minimum, apparently it's quantity rather than quality that is paramount to kids. Having descended down the stairs like a whirlwind at the crack of dawn to investigate the whereabouts of her easter egg and if the easter bunny had indeed eaten all that carrot(thanks to Mr Bold she was not disappointed) Mimi did not hold back in expressing her disappointment at finding only a rather small barbie easter egg and a lovely (and expensive) disney musical book.

"mummy the easter bunny hasn't left us very much has he?"

"Well honey" i say "the easter bunny hasn't got the same funding behind him as father chritmas has"
sensing she was making comparisons between the last time a complete stranger had left presents at our house in the middle of the night.

"Father christmas has the baking of a large ad campaign and he has elf's, the easter bunny can't compete with that now can he?" I know, I've blown them but seeing the logic behind the thought, i felt obliged to give her some sort of explanation much to Mr Bolds amusement who is now considering sectioning me, and on retrospect i can't say i blame him.

Fi was her usual grateful self playing with the charlie and Lola bath toys with sheer delight on her face and although mimi had a rather bemused look on her face after my ramblings she was satisfied with being allowed to eat her small chocolate egg for breakfast instead of the usual weetabix and toast.

I have just had the best easter present yet, i now have 1 follower yeah me, thanks softinthehead for making my easter, i think your blogs great!

Cheeky kids?

Having four daughters I'm well aware of the need to instill good morals from the word go but the practicalities of having them so close together has meant my standards have inevitably slipped a little. I like to pride myself on having well mannered well adjusted children yet recently i find myself looking through rose tinted glasses. Mimi has started to answer back a lot, Fi is prone to massive angry rages and the twins well we now refer to them as "Ronnie" and Reggie" - they are a law unto themselves. I'm ashamed to admit this but i do use the TV as a babysitter from time to time with the older two - believe me it's necessary.

However i hadn't bargained on the enormous negative influence it would have on them - especially Mimi. I know. kids are like sponges blah, blah and there have been several well publicised documentaries and newspaper articles about the damaging effects the media has on children. In the perfect stepford world sure I'd ban all technology from the house, only listen to classical music, eat a micro biotic diet and we would all sit round the piano singing folk songs and play Scrabble for entertainment. The real world i inhabit is a little different - stress is a daily occurrence, i have to make an appointment with my over worked, self employed, tax man fearing husband just to arrange a family afternoon out, we can't afford organic everything or a piano for that matter (i am working on the piano though) and i would be lost without my microwave - I'm a far cry away from becoming Martha Stewart.
Yes in my world letting the kids have free reign over the t.v for an hour provides me with some very needed me time - just to think straight for a minute about how many washes of laundry i need to put on, if we have enough potatoes left for that fish pie for tonight's tea and to find that missing pink shoe Bella's misplaced again! I do though question my parenting skills when Fifi calls her daddy a "Loser" (high school musical) and Mimi starts talking with an American accent and obsessing about a little boy in her class being her boyfriend and says she wants to get married(hannah montana). So i have no alternative but to ban the disney channel from the bold house, Mimi's really upset as all she does is sing and dance all day long, she loves Hannah Montana and HSM, and i have to admit it's definitely more trying and less entertaining for me sitting through an hour of Dora than it is watching Zack and Kody, but if that's what it takes to get my well mannered English children back then it's a small price to pay - cbeebies all the way!

As promised this is the pic of mimi's easter bonnet - and would you adam and eve it she WON! Well admittedly i did do most of it but still i'm so proud of her and she's pleased as punch. Not wanting to sound too much like a competitive mum (sod it i am ha) she had it in the bag, there was never any doubt and after checking out the competition she won by a mile:)

How sad my life has become, i'm reduced to taking pleasure from a four year olds bonnet parade. Unfortunately my diets gone out of the window, i decided to celebrate with a cadburys cream egg which lead to three and then there was no stopping me, i had half a packet of rich tea followed by a rocky bar and a packet of wotsits. I couldn't help myself and now i'm back to square one so it looks like i won't be any lighter after all for my trip to Spain .... well maybe next week:)

I'm still on the healthy eating plan and all is going smoothly so far, apart from the fact i haven't done any exercise yet but I'm hoping to rectify that by doing an aerobics dvd I've had sat on my book shelf since Christmas 2006, it's time to dust off my sports bra and keep fit for the first time in about five years!!!!! I haven't weighed myself yet as i'm scared that if my weight loss is non existent or really crap then i'll quit, so i'm gonna do a weeks worth of exercise and then have the dreaded weigh in. I've decided to take my measurements this time too so i'll be back tomorrow posting all my details on this blog - hopefully it will be the kick up the arse i need and shame me into losing the flab for good. The salads are wearing thin on me already so god knows how i'll last but i'm determined to get fit.
The house is a pigsty, dishes are overflowing and the washing basket is full so i'm off to complete my domestic duties and put the tea on......a mothers works never done:)

dieting disaster

I had hoped to be a few pounds lighter by the end of this week as I'm off to sunny Spain for a friends hen party exactly 4 weeks today. Being a little on the podgy side lately i decided to do something about it and start the dreaded diet but only 4 days in to my healthy eating regime and I've sabotaged myself by eating a whole packet of custard creams and half a jar of nuttella in one go!!! The cravings just became to strong. i am a chocoholic (and proud) and was in desperate need of a sugar hit, so I've ruined 4 days hard slogging in just 15 minutes. I have to say it did taste amazing but I'm not sure it was worth it considering the clocks still ticking and now i feel so guilty i need to eat more bad food to comfort myself...vicious cycle eh?
I'm back on it though as 4 weeks should shorly be enough to make a notable improvement, and i can't keep using the kids as an excuse anymore seen as the twins are now 17months old!!!
So no chocolate or biscuits for four whole weeks god knows how I'll do it but something has gotta be done, as I'm desperate to start wearing clothes i actually like rather than choosing items purely to cover my massive arse and stomach.