Wednesday, 22 June 2011

children vs husband vs Myself

Do you ever feel like a dog just chasing round after your own tail all day long, never really accomplishing anything?  Today has been one of those days, as have most days over the past 6 years.  Me and Mr Bold have just had another almighty row regarding my lack of time, effort, energy, interest for him???
And it pains me to admit it but he's right.
I do resent spending any time with him, how awful is that? But after a constant re run of ground hog day, breakfast, school runs, work, washing, meal times, bed times, tidying up, reading, homework, breaking up fights, feeding the cat, dishes, lAudry I'm exhausted.  I don't want to show any sort of affection in the from of a hug or kiss for fear of it being miss read as a come on - who wants to have to have sex on top of that daily to do list? After kids constantly pawing at me for the whole day long the one thing i want from my husband is to know he'll keep his hands to himself at night and let me get some sleep!

I don't want to bother making small talk with him either, i mean how many times can we have the same conversations and seem interested still.  I don't really want to know about how his day at work went, I'm not interested, and i sure as hell do not want to relive my daily nightmare with blow by blow accounts of how Eva ran into the road nearly getting knocked over for the 1,000 time, Sofia losing her school shoes, Bella's eczema flaring up again and how I've offered to help out on the tombola stall for the school PTA to stop Mia's mindless moaning about how i need to help out at the school more because "Faye's mummy and daddy does and she always gets to help at the school disco, but your always too busy...it's not fair!"

The truth is i focus purely on the kids, i have too, and most of the time that's half hearted, i rush through bed time stories, let them get away with not brushing their teeth every night and feed them fish fingers and pizza most nights. I know i need to up my game but when i do finally get a minute i would like to spend that time on myself, pondering on my own thoughts for a change but i suppose that's just selfish of me. 

The saying, you only get out what you put in is spot on, and that is exactly why my marriage is falling apart at the seams.  The trouble is I'm not sure I've got the will or energy to put the mountainous effort in that's needed.

There is a saying that the best thing you can give your children is a happy marriage and unfortunately I'm failing miserably, so i suppose putting your kids first isn't always the answer but i just don't think i am capable of changing my priorities.  How about you whats your solution to the kids vs husband vs yourself situation???? I need help and fast!

2 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean - I end up carving out time for myself. Basically 10pm - 11pm is MY time and yes I could sleep then but I don't

    In terms of relationship, we're working at it but at least we make an effort to spend time together at the weekend and to text / talk at some point in the week... far from ideal when I think about it

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