Sunday, 31 May 2009

Absense really does make the heart grow fonder

It is now week two of the school holidays and i am pleasantly surprised i have yet felt the need to shove my head in the oven. Usually by this point i am shaking with rage and unable to control my bubbling anger as the kids run wild, fight, scream profanities at each other and generally drive me to the edge of insanity, the fact that i am still relatively sane is wondrous. I think the shift in the kids behaviour is mainly due to the fabulous weather we are lucky to be getting, it's amazing how peoples moods shift up three gears when the sun is shinning - i tell you they should bottle the stuff.

However the rays of sunshine have done little to lighten Mr Bolds fowl moods of late and he is pacing the house like a bear with a soar head, testing my patience to the maximum. He seems to think that because he is having a bad day then me and the girls should too, god forbid we play in the paddling pool and make the garden a little muddy with splashes of fun. The fact that he is off to France tomorrow for two days, (we are in the process of buying a house in France and so need to open a french bank account, but that's a whole other post) i think, is contributing to his torridness as he is a little apprehensive about flying. I for one can't bloody wait, apart from having to put the bins out myself and locking up the house alone, i am looking forward to having the house to myself and only having four kids to moan at me not five!

The credit crunch is not helping my marriage either, he is self employed and so as business is not exactly booming he is spending increasingly more time at home. I liked it when i was left to my own devices now he has a lot more input into our domestic set up i am becoming increasingly resentful and cabin fever has set in arrghhhhhhh.......ok rant over! Don't get me wrong i love him and he is an incredible husband and father, but men and women should never have to spend this amount of time together, it's unnatural!!!!

Thursday, 28 May 2009

Arty Farty

We had a great day today at the walker art gallery in Liverpool. Firstly there was the train ride which is always a treat for the big girls, unfortunately the joys of public transport are lost on me. We arrived to meet my cousin and her 18 month old little girl and i was pleasantly surprised at the abundance of activities on offer for the little ones. They had a whole room designated to children with a craft station, dressing up corner, puppet section and lots of computers, puzzles and books, the twins (who i was worried would be a little too young) had a ball. Upstairs in the gallery was another activity station where the big girls got to make their very own photo frame and i even managed to treat myself to a hot chocolate, complete with cream and marshmallows, i even finished it before it went cold, but the best bit was that everything bar the hot choccy was FREE!

After taking a break for a spot of lunch we then headed to the world museum which to be honest was a bit of a let down and a lot of hassle to navigate with a twin stroller and a three and four year old in tow. The highlight of the afternoon was when Fi fondled a roman statue:

"mummy Fifi's touching the old mans willy" - Mimi said excitedly

After me and my cousin had composed ourselves and wiped the tears of laughter away, we quickly vacated the building to treat ourselves to some well deserved ice cream from the van outside.

On the train ride home, exhausted and feeling rather pleased with myself that the museum had been a hit with the girls, Fifi announces to the whole train that Mimi had just said "sexy." A little flustered i told mi not to say such a word, when fi shouts again:

"But mummy she said a swear word, she said sex again."

Kids have a habit of bringing you back down to earth with a bang don't they? I did get a few glances but believe me they have said much worse in public, so again i think that overall the day was a success!

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

I got an award!

Thank you to the amazing Amy over at and1moremeansfour for my first ever award! I cannot believe it and am so grateful.

The rules of this award are that we need to choose 7 blogs to pass this award onto, and list 10 facts about ourselves as well. Here are my chosen brilliant blogs:

All grown up


soft in the head

baby blog

A Mothers ramblings

Ramblings of a fab brunette

Freelance mum
And now for the ten facts about me, they are all pretty random but here goes.

1) My claim to fame is that i was once on TV with Mr motivator - i was eleven and was on holiday in benidorm.

2) my passion is SLEEP - i love it and do it as much as i can, although with four kids i don't get nearly as much as i would like.

3) I love to pick, squeeze and prod spots, black heads and i am always cleaning my ears and any one's who will let me near them - weird i know but i can't help it!

4) My addiction is chocolate - i am at my happiest when attacking a jar of nutella with a tablespoon and devouring it.

5) I am a terrible driver and will not drive on a motorway EVER!

6) I can snowboard -admittedly not very well.

7) I still think i am sixteen and resort to watching the oc, one tree hill, and my favorite gossip girl - it makes me feel young again.

8) I secretly fancy Mathew Wright - i know it is so WRONG but i can't explain it. The heart wants what the heart wants :)

9) I believe in angels

10) I once fell down the stairs (arse over tit)in a very expensive local boutique, and if that wasn't embarrassment enough the heel from my new shoes completely snapped off! As i hobbled around the store red faced and desperate to make a sharp exit, the owner insisted he mend my shoe for me at the shop next door, so i had no choice but to make some purchases and left the store £260 lighter and the proud owner of a see through firetrap dress amongst other things. I never showed my face in there again but at least my shoes were fixed!

Sunday, 24 May 2009

our day out

The bold household was up bright and early this morning for a fun filled family day out. We had planned to visit the beach maybe or the zoo, but both these ideas had been poo pooed by my dearest hubby on account of his aversion to sand and overly crowded places. Finally and after much deliberation (involving three slanging matches) we settled on a visit to "speak hall", a grand manor house only 30 minutes drive away.

Arriving at the stately home, and having realised i had forgotten to bring the picnic we had pain stakingly put together at the last minute, we headed straight for the cafe to fill up on overpriced sandwiches and drinks. Stomachs full and kids loaded with chocolate buttons we headed for the nature trail and took a stroll through the beautiful grounds and amazing bluebell forest. We all had a great day and we finished off by letting the kids run wild on the playground area,all the fresh air and exercise worked wonders and by half six in the evening all four fell fast asleep......amazing.

Saturday, 23 May 2009

When it all goes "tits" up

So i have just finished talking to one of my single mummy friends on the phone, she's feeling a little down at the moment as she's had a serious of disastrous dates and is certain that she's destined to grow old and grey all alone and will never have sex ever again, which is ludicrous considering she is only twenty eight, slim, reasonably attractive and intelligent. Having tired of Internet dating, speed dating, general pulling on the piss she has now become increasingly desperate and has resorted to blind dating with rather unfortunate consequences.

Her friend who is a solicitor decided to play match maker and set her up with a colleague, whom although wasn't lacking in looks was suffering a serious deficit in the personality department. My friend complained he was obnoxious, shallow and rude to all the staff at the pretentious restaurant he insisted on taking her to, yet still she was upset at his apparent lack of interest (he hasn't called since and it's been 9 days). I was about to assure her she did not need some self important prick in her life and she could do so much better, when she regaled me with the tale of how the date ended.

Somewhat disappointed at how the blind date was unfolding she had decided the least she was going to get out of this was a decent snog, giving that he was still good looking and well a girl has needs. Things began to get amorous rather quickly and whilst he was busy suckling on her breasts, she suddenly said:

"careful you don't suck too hard"

"Why?" he asked looking puzzled

"oh I've not long stopped breast feeding and if you suck too hard you might get some milk."

Needless to say the moment was ruined, his disgusted face said it all and the heavy petting was brought to an abrupt end. He quickly bungled her into a taxi and that's the last she has seen of him, unsurprisingly. I have to say as much as i am mortified for her i am also thankful I'm out of the dating game. It was hard enough when i was baggage free and fat free, now with four kids and sagging boobs to contend with i think I'd rather poke pins in my eyes than put myself through the torture of dating again. My friend has resolved to give men a miss for now and put any further dates on hold, until she recovers from her trauma and i for one don't blame her one bit.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Birthday blues

Yesterday i turned twenty six, and it was as uneventful as most birthdays past the age of thirteen tend to be. No cake, no "happy birthday to you" sung to me at the crack of dawn which you might expect from a house filled with little people. You see my husband who was due back from his boys only weekend at midnight on Sunday, decided to call me at 10pm with the news that he had "accidentally" missed his flight home. Needless to say i was not buying any of it, i slammed the phone down and uttered obscenities to myself vowing to make him pay. It's bad enough he lied to me but to act with such total disregard for me on my BIRTHDAY - i wanted to boil his head!

So i awoke all alone, no cards and with no one to look after the kids i had no choice but to cancel the Indian head massage and pedicure my mum had booked for me at the local spa. The day was pretty much a non starter and after avoiding Mr Bold for the whole day, filling my time with a spot of retail therapy and lots of cheesecake, i finally returned home to be give him a piece of my mind.

The silent treatment had obviously worked, he couldn't apologise enough and had bought me an abundance of random belated birthday gifts to help ease his guilty conscience and so he bloody well should have. They were all lovely apart from the chavtastic silver "seksy" watch he had also bought on the plane, recommended to him by the air hostess, need i say more. Why is it that men are so incapable of buying decent presents? They think if it costs more than fifty quid they are on to a winner,their brain must malfunction at the slightest mention of the word "present". I suppose i should be grateful he at least made the effort, after all it's the thought that counts isn't it?

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Every cloud!

Today has been the day from hell, i was lucky enough to have the pleasure of escorting my four year old to another (yawn) school friends party! Only this time it was not being held at a local indoor soft play area,shock horror, yes this child's mother actually had a little imagination and hired out the local church hall to hold a "gymbobs" party.

Gymbobs being the slightly older version of tumble tots, with lots of structured and most importantly supervised games, which has to be said was a thousand times more appealing than having to climb through an assault course of netting and tubular slides to rescue my hysterical snot covered daughter from a demented psycho child high on fruit shoots that has just whacked her over the head for no reason at all! However, with all four kids in tow and no car it was never going to be plain sailing, i had no choice but to call a black cab which i patiently waited over fifty minutes for to no avail.

Now nearly twenty minutes late and with Mimi starting to look upset we headed for the bus stop at the end of the road, Que heavy showers of torrential rain followed by a very wet ten miute wait for the bus,and we had almost made it. After a brisk walk we finally arrived soaked to the bone, miserable and 50 minutes late! You'd think that would be embarrassment enough but oh no Mimi decided to have a tantrum and refuse to join in the party on the grounds of having very wet pants and again in the space of two minutes we were center of attention for all the wrong reasons.

eventually and with the help of some very kind parents Mimi joined the rest of the screaming five year olds and i am pleased to report lots of fun was had indeed.even Fi was asked to join in on account of birthday boys mummy taking pity on her - i defy anyone with half a heart to ot be completely won over by her charms she is so adorably cute. I have to add though i would never usually take the other three to tag along at parties and vice versa, as i hate it when people do that it was just i had no one else to mind the kids as hubby is away for the weekend and my parents are too.

So the girls had fun which was my number one priority and i managed, through gritted teeth, to look enthusiastic and polite whilst listening and responding to the mind numbingly monotonous comments about my brood i.e:

"Are they twins? - 3 comments

"you have four children and they are all girls?" - 1 comment

"you have got your hands full" - 5 comments

"you've done so well to make it here, i don't know how you make it out the door" - 2 comments

"are they identical?" - 2 comments

"which ones the more dominant?" - 1 comment

"Do twins run in the family?" - 1 comment

"have you got two sets of twins?" - 2 comments

"are you gonna keep trying for a boy then?" -1 comment

You get the picture and to round my day off perfectly we then had a forty five minute wait for our bus home, but the silver lining and i did have to really want to see it was that at least we were all now dry!

Friday, 15 May 2009

Mummy i wish i was a robot!

Kids are in bed, no husband in sight, the television is all MINE......pure bliss! I'm feeling rather pleased with myself as i have managed to single handedly get all four kids fed, bathed and in bed with stories and cuddles by 7pm!!

Yes, i know it sounds like a miracle but i can assure you i used only my own charms and a little chocolate milk, no raphynol or any other substances were involved. I have pulled out all the stops tonight as last nights bedtime was a disaster, leaving me in serious doubt over my mothering skills.

Let me explain, it all started when i promised Mimi who's four going on fourteen that she could use the computer before bedtime:

"Mummy can i please , please have a game on cbeebies please...oh and a story from the tweenies mummy now?"

"Yes sweetie, of course you can, but mummy just needs to finish her work first OK? It's very important." (note by work i mean updating my status on facebook and checking out everyone Else's)

"Mummy now can i do my game?" 1 minute later

"yes Mi just a minute."

"Mummy" falling asleep.

Some four hours later, Mimi awoke form her bed and began screaming uncontrollably about the sodding cbeebies game that mummy had not let her play, waking all three of her sisters in the process. Why do kids remember every bloody thing in minute detail?

So i tried to appease her with cuddles, promises that tomorrow evening she can have two games, three games four games,i even resorted to trying to calm her with a my little pony DVD but even that didn't work. I was about to loose my cool and blow my top when she hit me with:

"wah.....wah...I wish god had made me into a robot!" - WTF!

"Mimi don't say things like that honey you are a very lucky little girl, some children do...."

"nonono...wah...wah...i do i wish i was a robot and i didn't have these stupid bones and i was not a kiddie....then i could do whatever i want!....wah.."

Given that it was 11:30pm and i was seriously disturbed with what had just come out of my four year old's mouth i had no choice but to buckle and let her have her game and story time if she promised not to tell her 3 year old sister who was still awake upstairs.

So we sat in the dark, in our living room playing dress Mr Tumble followed by the story of Hansel and Gretal - Mimi's choice not mine. And as if i wasn't worried enough already, the fact my daughter chose a bedtime story about cannibalism left me in no doubt whatsoever that she is emotionally unhinged!

So i have made every effort today to assure her she is a special, cleaver, funny, kind, lovable, gorgeous little girl and so far there has been no mention of robots and the bedtime story she chose, i am pleased to report, had no mention of witches eating children.

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Sun, sea , sand, sangria and Sticky Vicky

Well i am now back from my little girlie jaunt and oh what fun was had by all. We laughed so hard for 4 whole days that i have pains in muscles i haven't felt (or seen) in years! The Hen had a total of 6 hours sleep in three nights, i wasn't such a party animal and averaged around four hours kip a night which given my reputation as a lightweight was not bad at all really.

Sticky Vicky was the highlight of the weekend and for those of you who are not familiar with the legendary 70 year old here is a brief outline of her talents - she performs rather intimate tricks such as lighting light bulbs with her vaginal muscles and pulling razor blades out of her lady garden! Classy i know but it has to be seen to be believed!

There was a live sex show too which i missed due to my cripplingly soar feet (damn you stupid 4 inch heels) and i have to say i was rather a little disappointed as how often do you get the chance to see that lol - saying that i think it was a blessing in disguise as i am rather prudish and may have fainted at the sight of such debauchery.

The sangria was a flowing and the sun was shining all week long although it never did penetrate my factor 30 and I'm ashamed to say I'm as pasty now as i was before i had my fake tan (which has now worn off) and i look like i have a skin condition similar to wacko jackos with random patches of brown all over my body - not attractive in the slightest!

So its back to the grind stone of motherhood and ground hog day has commenced once again.......until next year that is, we have decided to make it an annual trip and with weddings lined up until 2011 we have at least another 2 years to marry off the rest of my single friends which could take us all the way to 2020 - hen do's galore!!!