Wednesday, 22 June 2011

children vs husband vs Myself

Do you ever feel like a dog just chasing round after your own tail all day long, never really accomplishing anything?  Today has been one of those days, as have most days over the past 6 years.  Me and Mr Bold have just had another almighty row regarding my lack of time, effort, energy, interest for him???
And it pains me to admit it but he's right.
I do resent spending any time with him, how awful is that? But after a constant re run of ground hog day, breakfast, school runs, work, washing, meal times, bed times, tidying up, reading, homework, breaking up fights, feeding the cat, dishes, lAudry I'm exhausted.  I don't want to show any sort of affection in the from of a hug or kiss for fear of it being miss read as a come on - who wants to have to have sex on top of that daily to do list? After kids constantly pawing at me for the whole day long the one thing i want from my husband is to know he'll keep his hands to himself at night and let me get some sleep!

I don't want to bother making small talk with him either, i mean how many times can we have the same conversations and seem interested still.  I don't really want to know about how his day at work went, I'm not interested, and i sure as hell do not want to relive my daily nightmare with blow by blow accounts of how Eva ran into the road nearly getting knocked over for the 1,000 time, Sofia losing her school shoes, Bella's eczema flaring up again and how I've offered to help out on the tombola stall for the school PTA to stop Mia's mindless moaning about how i need to help out at the school more because "Faye's mummy and daddy does and she always gets to help at the school disco, but your always too's not fair!"

The truth is i focus purely on the kids, i have too, and most of the time that's half hearted, i rush through bed time stories, let them get away with not brushing their teeth every night and feed them fish fingers and pizza most nights. I know i need to up my game but when i do finally get a minute i would like to spend that time on myself, pondering on my own thoughts for a change but i suppose that's just selfish of me. 

The saying, you only get out what you put in is spot on, and that is exactly why my marriage is falling apart at the seams.  The trouble is I'm not sure I've got the will or energy to put the mountainous effort in that's needed.

There is a saying that the best thing you can give your children is a happy marriage and unfortunately I'm failing miserably, so i suppose putting your kids first isn't always the answer but i just don't think i am capable of changing my priorities.  How about you whats your solution to the kids vs husband vs yourself situation???? I need help and fast!

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Cambridge diet!

Today is my first day starting the Cambridge diet!  I know it's a little drastic but I've been trying to shift this baby weight for over three years now and as the twins turn four this year i can hardly still be using them as a valid excuse for my ever expanding waist and hips. 
A mummy friend of mine started exactly a year ago and lost three stone in three months and has managed to keep it off so i decided to take the plunge.  It is rather expensive, at 40 pounds a week (sorry my keyboard wont let me use the pound sign?), but i never spend anything on myself so i figured i was worth it plus the prospect of being a size 10 again by the end of August is worth every penny. 
The shakes are surprisingly appetising however the same cannot be said for the soups - I've just tried to force down a spicy tomato concoction but to be honest I'd rather eat feet so I've settled for a chocolate shake instead.  The theory is to consume no more than 615 calories a day for at least two weeks.  This includes three shakes a day plus a 200 cal meal consisting mainly of a little bit of protein and two tablespoons of veg/salad. I realise it's not going to be easy, especially with my sweet tooth but I'm determined to succeed - wish me luck, i have a feeling I'm going to be needing it in bucket loads.

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Another year closer to the big 30

So yesterday marked my 28th birthday and only two more years to go till I'm 30. Most people, my friends included, are horrified at the thought of getting older and whilst i must admit turning 40 isn't the slightest bit appealing to me i cannot WAIT to be 30!!
Why??? I hear you ask, well you see once I'm 30 i feel i will be able to justify my life choices, being married with 4 kids by the time i was 25 hasn't exactly impressed most people and whenever anybody ask my age i always cringe with embarrassment from fear of them judging me.
I know I'm probably being silly yet i can't help but feel people look down on me in some way for doing things the "wrong way around" i wasn't supposed to have started my family yet never mind have completed it. I was supposed to carve out a career and date lots of men. While my friends were out ploughing their way through one night stands and spending every weekend in nightclubs till 4am i was up till 4am feeding and changing nappies. Don't get me wrong i wouldn't have had it any other way, I'm no party animal and i wouldn't change my children for the world, but it just sounds so much better saying "I'm in my thirties and I have four children."

My twenties have been a successful(in respect of marriage and kids) but very stressful time and I'm under no illusions that my thirties will be any easier but I'm looking forward to pursuing a career as well as raising a family, and having a little more time to invest in myself along with the girls. I may even find more time for Mr Bold too as he's been far too neglected these past seven years. 

I'm off to Leeds on Saturday to visit my best friend who also turns 28 this week and whilst she'll be drowning her sorrows at the prospect of getting closer to the big 3 0 I'll be swinging from the rooftops planning a monster weekend away (I'm thinking Vegas) for our 30th....i can't wait!!!

Monday, 9 May 2011

How to make a Book Wreath

I've been covetting this beautiful book wreath for a while now, it's been doing the rounds on lots of blogs across the pond and so i though it was time to bring it to blighty!
Firstly you will need a foam wreath,or, if like me pennies are a little tight at the moment you can simply use a large circular bowl a a stencil and use good old cardboard! I had some lying around the house from the twins ikea beds.
You will also need a glue gun and glue sticks (approx 8 little ones), an old book you don't mind giving new lease of life, some gold paint, paint brush and scissors.

To start with you'll need to paint the edges of the book with the gold paint - it gives it that antique, rustic look. I did this the night before in order to let it dry in time.

Once the paint is dry begin by folding each page, you'll need lots of patience as you are going to use a LOT to fill out your wreath and don't forget to fold the bottoms too.

This is how i folded mine, somehow i'm having difficulty trying to describe exactly how - so i hope this helps.

Now start by gluing the pages around the inside of your wreath until it's full, use the folded tabs at the bottom.

This is what it will look like at the back of the wreath

Time now to fill all the gaps, be careful not to leave any spaces - the fuller the better

Finish by adding another layer to the inside of the wreath to make it bulkier and voila

Saturday, 7 May 2011

A belated Royal tea party

Ok so i'm a little late on the uptake but i thought i'd share with you some pictures from our soiree, the girls had a fabulous time with lots of cupcakes and cucumber sandwiches, and I enjoyed a tipple or two of pimms.

I scoured blogland and found some fantastic free printable's for the straw flags and bunting, don't you just love bunting? It's so simple and effective, gets me in the party mood every time!

Here is Mia's classroom Pet Happy Star the penguin, enjoying a little tipple of pimms. We were lucky enough to spend the whole bank holiday with him

This is my gorgeous nephew Billy sharing his sandwiches

Some yummy party food

Party Time!

Mr Bold and the girls preparing to watch the Royal Wedding!

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Just one happy moment

My mother-in-law always used to say this and I recently stumbled upon a quote that seems rather fitting so i thought I'd post it:

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love,
or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright
morning smelling the fresh air, is not worth
all the suffering and effort which life implies?

Erich Fromm (American Psychoanalyst)

I have it framed on my kitchen window ledge so she's never far from my thoughts and if I'm feeling a little sorry for myself it always seems to make me smile.

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

I'm bored

Nope this is not another rant about how the children are constantly moaning to be entertained, I, me the mother, am actually bored shitless! It's only day two and considering it's my holiday too you'd think I'd be grateful for the rest and non existent early morning madness - but I'm not. I'm secretly counting down the days (five)until normal service is resumed and i haven't the option to just sit on my exceedingly large behind. The weather isn't helping, it's just another excuse for me to procrastinate and let the kids turn our relatively tidy home into a bombsite. I had such high hopes for our long week off together, me and the girls were going to make dens, bake, read lots of new books, play with Christmas presents that are still in their wrapping, build Lego, go for long walks, feed the ducks, play hide and seek, go to museums, play areas and use public transport. So far we have accomplished none of the aforementioned. The poor girls have sat through back to back DVD athons of free willy, finding Nemo, Toy story, little red riding hood and Mia and Sofia's school Christmas production of Busy Busy Bethlehem!

I had forgotten what a lazy b**ch I really am, you see for me freedom is anyhthing but, too much choice makes me panic, i can't handle it so i just DO NOTHING, rationalizing that this is a perfectly reasonable option. I think i work best under pressure so with that in mind i have made promises to the kids that we will visit the museums tomorrow via the train, Thursday we will go to a play area and do crafts and Friday we can have a trip to the cinema leaving Lego and the rest of the to do list for the weekend. Now I'm off to help Mia find my engagement ring she lost whilst playing dress up (i let her have it so i could stuff my face with tea and biscuits in silence)....fingers crossed i fined it or Mr Bold won't be too happy with me!

Monday, 14 February 2011

Is anybody out there?


Well it's been a year since my last post and I'm pretty sure most things will have changed in blogland but i couldn't resist dipping my toe back in the water so here goes.....Gulp! I'm pleased to report I'm no longer a stay at home mum, after six solid years on the front line of nappy ville I'm back in the real world and it feels great. I'm only working part time in a local secondary school but I'm loving every minute and it's great to know i have something other than gigglebiz, a sink full of dirty dishes and soggy nappies to get up for in a morning. I still procrastinate most of the time and my house is a mess but at least my life now has a little more structure to it and for the first time in years I have a zest for life again. The girls are all great and as gorgeous as ever, the Twins have finally started pre school. Long suffering Mr Bold has lost two stone (unfortunately i have found one of them) and is setting up yet another new business venture, which will hopefully be so successful we can buy our dream home and take several holidays a year if not there's always a caravan in wales. Enjoy what's left of your Valentines day, I'm off now to order mine and Mr Bolds Chinese takeaway x