the tap twins

Tonight I'm taking the twins for their second ballet and tap dance class and i can't wait to see their little uncoordinated legs flapping about again.  They were simply adorable and absolutely loved it, although they've insisted they have "tappy shoes" tonight.  Unfortunately i have just made a trip to the local dance store to find the shutters down and no sign that they'll be open for business any time soon!  Just my luck, I've drove past the place for the last two months and its always bloody open but as soon as i actually need something they shut down, i think a higher power might be trying to tell me something.  I did take the older girls to the same dance class a while back but they got board and gave up, not before fleecing me for a whole wardrobe full of dancing paraphernalia which has yet to see the light of day i might add.

If I'm honest  though i man handled the big girls into going in the first place, under some misguided belief that if my children were not applying themselves to at least three disciplines a week they were destined for failure and would end up on the scrap heap by the time they are sixteen.  Really i don't know why we put ourselves and our children under so much pressure is it to keep up with the Joneses? to relive our misspent youth? 

I suppose I'm just trying to give them the best childhood i possibly can and I'm scared I'm failing miserably.  They can't play an instrument (I've still not got around to tuning the piano i bought three years ago), they aren't fluent in Mandarin and they don't attend the best private school money can buy.  My eldest suffers from the same lazyitus i did at her age and manages to quit on everything she ever starts and i worry time is running out before they reach their teenage years and rebel completely.  The twins are my last chance to get it right and to instill some discipline, to show them that you only get out what you put in. So as long as they contine to tap away with a smile on their face i'll insist they keep going and when they start to complain they're "boared" I've always got the months worth of chocolate biscuits stashed in the car to bribe them with. Me pushy? How very dare you..........

pinterest addiction is serious....

How funny is this? I know i've been non existent in blogland for a while now but I just had to share this, I cried with laughter when i saw it! I found it whilst trawling pinterest (my new addiction). I waste almost every night of my life on that site at the moment, its a never ending fountain of wierd and wonderful stuff and a great distraction from my scriptwriting.

children vs husband vs Myself

Do you ever feel like a dog just chasing round after your own tail all day long, never really accomplishing anything?  Today has been one of those days, as have most days over the past 6 years.  Me and Mr Bold have just had another almighty row regarding my lack of time, effort, energy, interest for him???
And it pains me to admit it but he's right.
I do resent spending any time with him, how awful is that? But after a constant re run of ground hog day, breakfast, school runs, work, washing, meal times, bed times, tidying up, reading, homework, breaking up fights, feeding the cat, dishes, lAudry I'm exhausted.  I don't want to show any sort of affection in the from of a hug or kiss for fear of it being miss read as a come on - who wants to have to have sex on top of that daily to do list? After kids constantly pawing at me for the whole day long the one thing i want from my husband is to know he'll keep his hands to himself at night and let me get some sleep!

I don't want to bother making small talk with him either, i mean how many times can we have the same conversations and seem interested still.  I don't really want to know about how his day at work went, I'm not interested, and i sure as hell do not want to relive my daily nightmare with blow by blow accounts of how Eva ran into the road nearly getting knocked over for the 1,000 time, Sofia losing her school shoes, Bella's eczema flaring up again and how I've offered to help out on the tombola stall for the school PTA to stop Mia's mindless moaning about how i need to help out at the school more because "Faye's mummy and daddy does and she always gets to help at the school disco, but your always too busy...it's not fair!"

The truth is i focus purely on the kids, i have too, and most of the time that's half hearted, i rush through bed time stories, let them get away with not brushing their teeth every night and feed them fish fingers and pizza most nights. I know i need to up my game but when i do finally get a minute i would like to spend that time on myself, pondering on my own thoughts for a change but i suppose that's just selfish of me. 

The saying, you only get out what you put in is spot on, and that is exactly why my marriage is falling apart at the seams.  The trouble is I'm not sure I've got the will or energy to put the mountainous effort in that's needed.

There is a saying that the best thing you can give your children is a happy marriage and unfortunately I'm failing miserably, so i suppose putting your kids first isn't always the answer but i just don't think i am capable of changing my priorities.  How about you whats your solution to the kids vs husband vs yourself situation???? I need help and fast!

Cambridge diet!

Today is my first day starting the Cambridge diet!  I know it's a little drastic but I've been trying to shift this baby weight for over three years now and as the twins turn four this year i can hardly still be using them as a valid excuse for my ever expanding waist and hips. 
A mummy friend of mine started exactly a year ago and lost three stone in three months and has managed to keep it off so i decided to take the plunge.  It is rather expensive, at 40 pounds a week (sorry my keyboard wont let me use the pound sign?), but i never spend anything on myself so i figured i was worth it plus the prospect of being a size 10 again by the end of August is worth every penny. 
The shakes are surprisingly appetising however the same cannot be said for the soups - I've just tried to force down a spicy tomato concoction but to be honest I'd rather eat feet so I've settled for a chocolate shake instead.  The theory is to consume no more than 615 calories a day for at least two weeks.  This includes three shakes a day plus a 200 cal meal consisting mainly of a little bit of protein and two tablespoons of veg/salad. I realise it's not going to be easy, especially with my sweet tooth but I'm determined to succeed - wish me luck, i have a feeling I'm going to be needing it in bucket loads.

Another year closer to the big 30

So yesterday marked my 28th birthday and only two more years to go till I'm 30. Most people, my friends included, are horrified at the thought of getting older and whilst i must admit turning 40 isn't the slightest bit appealing to me i cannot WAIT to be 30!!
Why??? I hear you ask, well you see once I'm 30 i feel i will be able to justify my life choices, being married with 4 kids by the time i was 25 hasn't exactly impressed most people and whenever anybody ask my age i always cringe with embarrassment from fear of them judging me.
I know I'm probably being silly yet i can't help but feel people look down on me in some way for doing things the "wrong way around" i wasn't supposed to have started my family yet never mind have completed it. I was supposed to carve out a career and date lots of men. While my friends were out ploughing their way through one night stands and spending every weekend in nightclubs till 4am i was up till 4am feeding and changing nappies. Don't get me wrong i wouldn't have had it any other way, I'm no party animal and i wouldn't change my children for the world, but it just sounds so much better saying "I'm in my thirties and I have four children."

My twenties have been a successful(in respect of marriage and kids) but very stressful time and I'm under no illusions that my thirties will be any easier but I'm looking forward to pursuing a career as well as raising a family, and having a little more time to invest in myself along with the girls. I may even find more time for Mr Bold too as he's been far too neglected these past seven years. 

I'm off to Leeds on Saturday to visit my best friend who also turns 28 this week and whilst she'll be drowning her sorrows at the prospect of getting closer to the big 3 0 I'll be swinging from the rooftops planning a monster weekend away (I'm thinking Vegas) for our 30th....i can't wait!!!

Silent Sunday

Wordless Wednesday