Getting out of bed in a morning has always been a struggle for me I'm more of a night owl and i hate chirpy morning risers they're sooo annoying, unfortunately i happen to be married to one. It's hard enough when you only have to get yourself up, washed, dressed and out the door by an ungodly hour but throw four screaming, defiant little minx's in the mix who like nothing better than pooing all over my kitchen floor, throwing their cereal at each other and spilling tooth paste down their clean, just ironed school uniform it's enough to make you go straight back to bed...if only.
Yesterday morning was an especially bad morning, Wednesdays always are, it's a mad rush to get Mia at the school gates for 8.50am, then Fi at nursery for 9am and make it to the twins playgroup for 9.30am. We managed to all get there in one piece just, but as i dropped Fi of at pre-school looking a little dishevelled i was informed the photographer was at the nursery today.
"OH SHIT" was my first thought as i glanced at Fi's felt tip covered hands from the night before, she even had a smudge of blue ink on her neck. I was told siblings were welcome to come along too after school and as i don't have a proper photo of all four of them together i agreed to come along with a fresh change of clothes later on. I figured it was only 9.30 and i had all day to get the twins looking normal and fish something suitable for the big two out of the explosion that is my ironing pile, i even had time to iron the clothes too so what was the problem?
Never, ever again! I left it until the last minute to search for fresh clean clothes for the girls, that in itself is a huge task in our house as i may have mentioned before I'm not the most domesticated wife on the block. After collecting Mia from school and plying them all with fruit shoots, bribery is a legitimate parenting method you know, we headed over to the nursery for our photo shoot. Now i don't know what i was expecting but to say it was the worst afternoon of my life would be an understatement.
Wrestling all four of them into their semi - clean looking clothes with an audience of aghast parents was bad enough but once they were in front of the lens the E Numbers kicked in and the twins refused to cooperate, instead withering around the white screening and screaming like wild Hyenas. As i tried to control them Sofia decided to wind them up resulting in me telling her off in a hushed stern tone, to which she shouted at me "No mummy No. you don't tell me what to do arghhh".
At this point i was ready to explode with rage and was the colour of a beetroot,Feeling all the other disapproving parent's eyes boring into the back of me i dragged Sofia off the mat and told her we were leaving straight away, she then proceeded to throw herself to the floor and commence a "Let's humiliate mummy some more Tantrum" that went on and on and on. I calmly told the photographer there was no point in continuing and the look of relief and silent sigh in his eyes said it all, we were his worst customers ever, fact and he wanted us out now. I used every strength of my being to stop the tears that were welling up from trickling down my cheeks, i knew if i started i wouldn't stop. Struggling to put Sofia's shoes on, the combination of my shaking hands and her kicking legs didn't help, i wanted the floor to swallow me up and i found myself wondering how on earth I'd ended up such a terrible mother with no control over my children. I felt ashamed of myself and my kids both at the same time and i left with my head looking as far down to the ground as possible and wishing i wasn't so fertile.
If only i had just the one child to devote myself to, spending every day instilling them with manners, morals, love, support, confidence and my undivided attention, hell even two kids would still be doable. But having four in three years has spread me a little thin and although I'm not my own version of the perfect parent i think i do pretty damn good most days, I'd like to see some of the disapproving parents that just had the one child with them take on four and manage any better. As much as i want my children to be Little House on the prairie clones, i realise they are their own person and i can't "control" them however badly i want too, so I've dusted myself down, dried my eyes and vowed to try and stay a little calmer and try my best. No ones perfect right?