There has been much strife in the suburbs over the past weekend culminating in an almighty domestic, which has left me wondering if my marriage can withstand the test of time. I can't go into too much detail as it wouldn't be fair to my husband, there are after all two sides to every story and as i still want my marriage to work i don't want people to think bad of him.
Lets just say my husband, for all his wonderful qualities such as being an amazing father to our beautiful children, a loyal friend to me and an excellent provider, has one major flaw - he's very controlling! I on the other hand am rather passive which makes for a quiet sort of life most of the time until i wish to exert a little of my independence. I find myself constantly having to battle with him if i want to have a social life outside our little family unit and in the past it has proved too much hassle and i have given up trying just for an easy life. Now though i can't seem to do that anymore and i am fighting my corner much to the annoyance of my better half.
As the calm descended on Saturday morning i needed to get out, so i took my big girls to the cinema for the second time in a week! This was only their second ever visit and they are becoming seasoned pros at inhaling popcorn, thankfully they will get a new set of teeth in a few years to offset all that sugar :) I had hoped to make the Saturday special, kids can watch an older movie for just £1, but the viewing of Charlotte's Web had already begun so instead of my little trip costing a bargain £3 it came to a whopping £16.80 for three tickets to "Bandslam" and then i had to buy food on top!!!!
the girls were very excited about watching "Gabriella" from High school Musical in the movie but it wasn't exactly what i had imagined and not really suitable for a five and three year old. Bandslam was a cross between Camp Rock and Dawson's Creek (which i happened to LOVE as a teenager) full of teenage angst and social misfits, who are trying to win the coveted prize of a record deal. I stole the title of my post from the name of the band in the film, it seems rather apt. I sat there silently crying into the kids popcorn pondering the fate of my marriage and i seem to have found my mantra for now at least........I can't go on, I'll go on.
I loved Dawson's creek too :)
ReplyDeleteOh dear, hope you guys can work it out soon. It sucks when it sucks aye :(
My gooseman can be a tad controlling and when I find it hard to get a word in I sometimes write him a letter and give it to him. then he gets to hear everything I need to say and it also helps me to think about what i want to get him to understand rather than trying to just get a word in and getting overwhelmed emotionally. It works pretty well usually.
xo
I'm sure you will go on, being a mum doesn't give you much choice sometimes! Good luck with sorting things out. Marriage is hard work, mine almost ended two years ago when we seperated for almost a year. But somehow we worked it out and are happier now than we have been for years. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI've never watched Dawson's Creek but I did love other shows. Sometimes we get caught up in doing our own things that we forget the needs of others. I know I am guilty of this in my own way.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. You will find the strength to go on and hopefully find a solution that works for you both. (would it help him to see how much your independence means to you to let him read this blog-post?) It obviously breaks your heart to have to write this post but whatever happens, I'm wishing you the best of luck:)
ReplyDeletePS) I took my 6 year old to see Bandslam too for a girly outing - it was her choice because of "Gabriella"!!
It sucks to fight with the husband. He doesn't need to be a bad guy for there to be strife sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI will say, though, my mother-in-law keeps telling me to not give up, because if you give in too much there is no coming back from that at her age. So you go girl! You need to be able to choose what you do with your life.
Aww. Lots of hugs, it sucks when things in the marriage are less than stellar. It makes everything seem crazy.
ReplyDeleteThat's a toughie - miserable for you. I hope it acts as a way to clear the air and that everyone gets a chance to get all those niggles out into the open, they get talked, discussed and resolved and you end up stronger than ever. Big hugs xx
ReplyDeleteI hope you manage to sort things out....it's worth fighting for. Hard work though. Maybe you could get out just the two of you and maybe explain how you feel? It can surely only make you a better wife and mummy if you have some space of your own? Good luck
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Having small children takes a toll on a marriage - don't underestimate the effects.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're ok - wanting to send you virtual hugs and to say do remember the Mummy mantra, this too shall pass
ReplyDeleteCould it just be a blip with Hubby? I've had few 'blips' with mine - want to strangle him half the time!
ReplyDelete£16.80????? God, thats not cheap!
RMxx
Sounds like time for a reassessment; marriages don't stay the same forever and from time to time you both need to reassass. Maybe your husband has got used to being in control and is finding it odd that you want a change. Whatever you do, keep talking to him and work it out. Good luck. WM x
ReplyDeleteGosh. That's a tough one. I hope the two of you are able to sit down and talk about things. I expect it will be difficult but he can't be so controlling he forces you to change your behaviour. You need to be able to be yourself. Hopefully he'll understand your point of you. All the best.
ReplyDeletehi hun!! Hope everythings ok drop me an email if you fancy getting things off your chest i'm back now :) I missed you xxx spk soon xxxx
ReplyDeleteWhat a bag of poo - that's so sad :-( I hope you can have a good old heart to heart, work things out and continue going on - and up. I am sending you a virtual large bag of maltesers which I hope will help.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear that. My ex was controlling and I'm quite rebellious. Needless to say, it didn't work out. It's different when children are involved though. I do hope you can have a heart to heart with him and sort things out. I find blogging gets me out (virtually), but you do need to have some me time away from the home.
ReplyDeleteSending you (((HUGS))). Good luck x
My husband says I'm a control freak
ReplyDeleteOh honey - I'm so with you on this one. My husband is extremely controlling - which is fine when he's away from home (quite alot actually), but when he comes back I often find it smothering. I think he'd be happy if I didn't have any friends at all and it was just our little family unit together all the time. Fine for him, but not for me. We've had some horrible times - went to counselling a couple of years ago which only lasted for one session for various reasons. I can't say it helped, but I would recommend it. It's always good to have someone else's take on the situation. Don't despair though - if you want your marriage to work then that's a start! If you both still love each other then there are ways of making it work. Hugs and kisses xx
ReplyDeleteHave done the divorced with young child, found second marriage. Don't get me wrong I am very happy but it isn't worth it. If I knew then what I know now I would have tried very very hard to fix the problem not give up or forget why I loved him. I'm with Iota, young children swamp a marriage to the point where it felt more like a job to me. I also think counselling can be good, it's useful to hear the other perspective without it being able to turn into a huge fight. You may not like it but I might be worth a try. Counselling does not mean your failing, it means you are committing and wanting to understand. Hope you are feeling better already, I know my comment is very late x
ReplyDeleteI've just caught up and was so sorry to hear of the matrimonial discord.
ReplyDeleteHope you've given him a smart slap on the chops by now, and things are happy again.
GG
Dear WOB - Can I just say I only realised you were a real blogger today! I thought you were a friend of mine masquerading as a follower of my blog to boost my confidence. Feel great now because am in the loop with a real life talented fab blogger and look forward to our your insights.
ReplyDeleteTotally get living with a control freak - like you, I tend to take the path of least resistance so when I stick my head above the parapet and cry freedom there is often a little resistance.
I have often concluded men are such simple creatures - they like their comforts, their home life, a bit of the obvious on a frequent basis. And they don't cope well with change. Get in a groove and he's happy with the routine. We feel trapped and try to vary the monotony. Result: disharmony. For what it's worth, I have resolved to be more assertive and get some time for myself now and again. The more you do it, the more he'll get used to it. Maybe!