Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Yes Today i have taken a pregnancy test! I have been feeling rather sh$*y since Sunday, banging headaches, dizzy, stomach cramps, nausea, every single symptom which would indicate I'm pregnant other than sore boobs. The result is hardly surprising considering i have only just finished my period three days ago and well Mr Bold and I haven't exactly been getting "jiggy" with it of late -huh the chance would be a fine thing. I just wanted to rule out the possibility as i am understandably a little paranoid after having four kids in the space of 3 years and 3months! I opted for the 99p test i found in Home and Bargains as i didn't see the point in wasting money and well they had been shockingly accurate two years ago when i decided to rule out pregnancy on a whim then too!
I have breathed a huge sigh of relief, I'm not sure what i was expecting to feel since the majority of the times i have actually taken a test they're usually positive and i have always been pleased but this one was different. I finally think i am ready to stop pro creating, i didn't feel sad at all which is strange considering i still secretly pine for a SON, and now all that remains for me to do is get Mr Bold to have the dreaded "snip". He has been dodging this one since the twins were born, he too longs for a son one day but i could go on forever popping out girls and i think four is more than enough to be going on with. I love my girls unbelievably and i honestly think another sibling(brother or not) is the LAST thing they need right now, i am torn in enough directions at the moment and they all want a piece of me. I just don't think i could competently divide myself amongst more than four - i struggle now. So as i mourn the son i will never have i count my lucky stars for my four amazingly beautiful, intelligent, healthy funny girls, they are truly all i need and i am enjoying reclaiming a tiny piece of me back that has been lost to motherhood for five whole years - i realise now more than i ever have, it really doesn't last forever - in another five years it will all be over and my girls will be little lady's in the making, now is the time to Basque in the present.