The perils of letting your kids watch too much reality TV

Ok i know they shouldn't be watching to much telly let alone trashy TV but what can i say i love trash. It is always a highlight in our house when dancing on ice, X Factor or my girls fave strictly come dancing is on the box on a Saturday night, we all cram onto one sofa and cuddle up with treats waiting to be entertained.

Lately though it has come to my attention that our family bonding time might have as many cons as there are pros, i recently wrote a post about the unsavory influence the Disney channel was holding over my big girls here, but this is much worse.

For example, last week while i was channel surfing i happened to stumble across this years series of Big Brother (purely by accident of course), and within seconds Mimi was asking where Lisa and Mario where - yes those loser gym buffs form last years show, oh no i though I've brainwashed my child - last year she was only three for Christ sakes. Then last nights little performance from Fi finally put the nail in the coffin of my watching any reality TV before the watershed. She was in the garden dancing away, giving us all a rendition of John Denver's "country roads" (very cute by the way), when seemingly out of nowhere she took to the table top and started to wiggle her belly then wait for it.......she put her finger in her belly button shot us a mischievous smile and proceeded to put said finger into her mouth! I actually spat my tea out, I'm just thankful no one but her unconditional loving parents witnessed it. We later realised she was impersonating Britains got talents belly dancing tyranny dad - i don't think I'll be winning mother of the year any time soon.

For those of you who haven't a clue who I'm talking about above is a pic of Mama Trish before his awful performance.

Sliding doors

Have you ever seen the film with Gwyneth and that sexy Scots man, then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, the moment in your life when you could have gone one way or another changing your destiny forever. Do you ever wonder if your on the right path?

I often feel like my life is just an interim and somewhere out there my 18 year old self is just waiting for me to come back and finally pick up where i left off. I can't seem to rationalise my reality with the imaginative one i had planned for my self all those moons ago (well seen as I'm only 26 not that many moons have elapsed but it sure feels like it). What if my younger self could see me now she would pity me for sure, probably swear to herself she would never end up like me, no she wanted to live her life completely, she was so certain of where she was going and what she was going to accomplish. So why do i now find myself married with 4 kids living a safe comfortable predictable existence? Children were definitely not on my agenda, but being so young i suppose that's a given, marriage well that never held any allure either given that my parents marriage was such a disaster (i should add they are still together, mainly due to the many compromises my mother made). Yet here i am, this is my life, and i am defined by being a wife and a mother of 4 and maybe that there in lies the problem. Its not my life I'm dissatisfied with just the definition of it. I am no longer that same tunnelled visioned 18 year old but i know how she and other people who are also of the same mind would perceive me. I do not want to be viewed that way, the way in which i see the world has changed it is no longer simply black and white, there are shades of grey emerging that i could not see before. Maybe I'm just judging myself through my old eyes not my new ones does that make any sense??

Maybe this was always how my life was supposed to turn out, karma, destiny whatever you call it or maybe i just took a wrong turn, i'm not sure anymore.

Kids say the funniest things...not! Recycled

My recycling challenge is dead in the water, i never really got started so as i am hopeless at this recycling malarkey i thought i would follow in Emily's footsteps over at maternal tales by recycling one of my old posts - i don't think anyone has actually read it.................

Last night i made a rare escape from the mad house and went to see "the boat that rocked" at the pics with one of my mummy friends(trips to the pub to get pissed are usually reserved for my childless friends who still vaguely remember me pre- kids and therefore don't look at me with disgust when i drunkenly fall over and cut my knee open). The film was surprisingly funny, but to be honest I'd have watched paint dry if it meant eating popcorn and ice cream in peace.

Arriving at my friends house to pick her up i noted to her daughter, who's the same age as Mimi, that the pizza she was prodding around her plate at the dinning table was in fact one of Mimi's favorite dishes to which she replied:

"I don't like pizza, and john doesn't either mummy does he?

"Yes you do like pizza, and john does too now eat your dinner or there's no desert" my friend shot back.

"But mummy john doesn't like pizza, remember when he threw it at my head".

my friend calmly replied "now you know we don't mention that in front of other people sweetie, and he didn't throw the pizza at you he was aiming for mummy and missed."

LOL!!!!!!!!!! I nearly wet myself which isn't that difficult considering the state of my bladder control after pushing out 4 sprogs, but seriously the horror on my poor friends face was priceless and as she quickly began to regale me with details of how "pizza gate" unfolded(a standard domestic which resulted in her partner of 3yrs flinging pizza at her and missing) it took me back to when my 4 year old dropped me well and truly in the shit!

Just before Christmas we asked my sister if she could do a spot of RARE babysitting and when i say rare i mean rare - i can't remember the last time she looked after them for me. Now i have to add me and my husband were not doing a spot of Christmas shopping or catching up on some much needed "couple" time how i wish my life were that indulgent, no we were off for 1 hr to meet with a vicar and arrange my amazing mother-in-laws funeral(who had passed away suddenly 5 days earlier). My poor husband who was and still is devastated and in complete shock was understandably reluctant to meet with the vicar and wanted nothing to do with the funeral arrangements (luckily i eventually persuaded him he'd regret it if he didn't) wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible and so wasn't impressed when my sister telephoned (15 minutes after we needed to leave) to say she was on her way and would be another 10 minutes late due to the fact she had got held up talking to friends whilst shopping!!!!
I can't remember exactly what was said but lets just say my husband wasn't happy when i reported my sister would be another 10 minutes late and so my children were privy to some rather colourful language. Once sis had arrived seemingly unaware as to the distress she had caused and without an explanation as to why on such a difficult day she was late and very unapologetic, we left to meet the vicar only to find we'd missed out on all the decision making, the hymns, readings etc had already been chosen by the rest of my husbands family.

On our return home some 40 minutes later, my husband inconsolable with grief had completely forgotten about my sisters inconsiderate tardiness as had i, we were met by my brother who had been summoned without explanation to take over babysitting duties as my sister had to leave right away. I asked Mimi if she had any idea as to why auntie S had to go and she said:

"She was upset when i told her that daddy said she was a "fucking fat bitch", and that mummy said "well don't worry i won't be asking her again".

O.MY.GOD!

Yes my four year old had well and truly dropped me and hubby in it, i was mortified as was my husband who had meant absolutely no malice by it, it was a slip of the tongue during what was the most difficult time of his life and was supposed to be for the confines of our own home and never to be repeated. Yes the beauty of having kids is that you can never be sure if anything you say or do whilst in their presence (intended or not) will remain private.

My Husband wanted to call and apologise straight away but i assured him she would understand when she had calmed down that he did not intend to hurt her feelings as it was a private conversation, and anyway he had a lot on his plate without worrying himself about this. I later apologised to my sister after the funeral was out of the way, we had more pressing issues to deal with at the time and were struggling just to get through the days but to my astonishment she did not accept my apology gracefully. She was still extremely angry and could not believe we had the audacity to complain that she was late when she was doing us the favor (i can't wait till she has kids) and "So what if i was five minutes late" she retorted (actually more like twenty five minutes late and considering the circumstances it was a big deal, i mean how often does your husband have to arrange his mums funeral? Anyway relations are getting better now, things aren't as frosty anymore and once Christmas was out of the way we were on speaking terms again although I'm not sure things will ever be back to normal completely - kids eh?

It's not about the winning.....

Yesterday was Mimi's first ever sports day, she was very excited and looked quite the part, me and Mr Bold were very proud even when she came in ...LAST! He he i had to laugh a little as her daddy was (still is) immensely competitive and i think it must have secretly killed him to looked pleased as she tottered over the finish line behind ALL the other girls, bless her.

Now i am not going to take full responsibility for her incredible lack of sporting ability, admittedly i cannot even hit a shuttle cock and was always picked last for team games, but i did come 3RD in the girls race at fourth year high school I'll have you all know! Mr Bold relishes winning every single thing, he's a very sore loser and is annoyingly good at EVERY sport. I once introduced him to snowboarding on my gap year, i was secretly pleased i had masted something he couldn't do, my pleasure lasted all of 24 hours, by which time he had the art of "edging" down to a T and had left me for dust on the blue runs...cocky git! I don't envy Mi having to put up with his competitive streak and am a little thankful she's out of the running for now, but if any of the other girls happen to show any athletic prowess, god help them, he'll be on them like a flash.

It seems Mi is not the only loser in the Bold house, i am only in day three of my recycling challenge and already I've hit a brick wall, it was chicken pie with green beans and baby potatoes for dinner last night and lets just say it is not the most aesthetically pleasing meal to be met with the day after. I was supposed to eat the leftovers for lunch, i did contemplate giving it to the tank twins (they will eat ANYTHING), but i feared even the they would not have the stomach for it. It resembled dog food, I'm ashamed to say i scrapped the offending mess straight into the bin quicker than you can say "pizza everyone"!

A letter to my mother-in-law

Well it has been nearly eight whole months now since i have last seen your warm smile, Heard you belly laugh at the kids playing, sing silly old nursery songs that i had never heard to the girls, listened to you banter with E(Mr Bold)about him never getting round to finishing those chores he always promised to do, moaned at you to stop puffing on those awful ciggies that stunk your house out, and sat in comfortable silence with you watching all your favourite soaps. I ache to hear your voice, to hear you tell me everything will be OK, you were more than just a mother in law to me, you were my companion, my advisor and confidant, my chief babysitter and most of all my friend.

The girls miss their Nanny so so much, Fi still crys for you everyday and it breaks my heart to see her so lost and alone, you were her best friend too she adored you - they all did. The fact you passed away on Fir's 3rd birthday(and the day before the Twins 1st birthday) makes your death all the more harder to bare. We were on our way to the cinema to watch HSM 3 as a birthday treat for Fi, their first ever trip to the pics, when i decided to stop by to check on you. It was very odd that you hadn't answered the phone or called, given that it was the first night in almost three months you had stayed at your own house and not ours - i just assumed you wanted a night off, god knows you must have been exhausted sleeping with fi"the wriggler" every night and next door to the twins who constantly babbled the whole night long.

Seeing you through the glass i knew instantly that you had gone, yet i didn't want to believe it i frantically tried to get in the house but i couldn't . After what seemed an eternity the ambulance finally arrived, but it was no good my worst fears had been confirmed, i touched your hand and there was nothing there - you just looked like you were fast asleep - i take comfort from the fact you at least looked peaceful, but i am wracked with guilt that it happened on my watch and you were all alone. The rest is all a blur really, i remember grabbing your clothes, taking them with me to smell you and driving to your daughters to break the news, the kids were still in the car and i did my best to stay calm but they knew something terrible had happened. Finally speaking to E was the hardest part, he was stuck in Poland on my brothers stag do till that evening and i couldn't get through to him, he had lost his phone. My dad had to tell him, he was and still is a broken man, you were his whole world the only real family he had. It is a Hugh struggle everyday for him, for us, but you would be so proud of how he is dealing with his grief and trying to forge a future for us all - but without you to share it with, it's bittersweet.

On Saturday you would have turned 75 and it was such a hard day, the kids sang happy birthday to you and we released balloons in the sky and had birthday cake, we try to keep your memory alive by talking about you everyday. It's extremely difficult for E to know the twins will never remember their "Nanny June", you idolised them and they you, i think if it's possible you loved them even more than me and E,always patient and kind with them, nursing them for hours and never hearing a bad word said about them. Hearing them call my mum "Nanny" for the first time just weeks ago was painful, i had to wipe the tears away and look pleased for my mum who was rightly thrilled. Mi and Fi miss playing doctors with you and cuddling you, i miss your amazing cooking, cleaning tips and silly saying like he's "pees above sticks" that one lol, i still don't understand what that means, and E, well he just misses his Mum.

I just want you to know how extremely grateful i am to have had such an amazing woman, a role model in my life for the past nine years. Thank you for always being there, for never saying no - even when you should have, but most of all thank you for teaching me how to be a mum, for that i am eternally thankful. Yours are truly tough shoes to fill and i won't even attempt to, i couldn't, but just know i will try my best by your beloved son as trying as he is at times, and that you are in our hearts forever.

It's better late than never....Recycle week starts now!

Well I've been a bit lazy of late and have only just managed to force myself into starting the recycling pledge. Thanks to the gruesome twosome that is Emily and Amy i have been shamed into partaking and my pledge is to use up all my leftovers for lunch. It's chicken fajitas tonight ans so i don't think I'll have any leftovers as i make mean Mexican food, even if i do say so myself. However the kids are having some form of pasta so whatever is left will be served up for lunch tomorrow, i have no worries as they will eat ANYTHING!

To make it a little more interesting i have vowed to clean my oven if i fail my recycling challenge, and believe me that's no easy feat as i am quite the minger and my oven hasn't seen soapy liquid or a scourer for the three years I've had it! Out of sight out of mind, that's my excuse anyway, it has to be seen to be believed i'll post a pic - Kym and Aggie would be mortified. Now as I'm a little late i will start the pledge from today and carry it through till next Wednesday, so wish me luck.........

These are the rules......


1. Visit http://www.recyclenow.com/ and sign up to one of the pledges to waste less.

2. Share details of your pledge on your blog.

3. Choose 5 other bloggers who you think will be up for a bit of recycling fun.

4. Return to The Rubbish Diet and share your pledge in the comments section.

5. Optional - As a thank you to all involved, The Rubbish Diet will be publishing a British Mummy Bloggers' Recycling week carnival on Monday 29th June. To be included, simply submit your favourite post revealing the progress of your pledge by Saturday 27th June to karen@therubbishdiet.co.uk

* Sorry but as i have missed the start i will give number 3 a miss......your all safe for now!!!

A fake and a phoney...

Last night i had my lovely next door neighbours son J over for tea, she's just had a new baby and so i was trying to lighten her load and entertain her little fella. He's the most mild mannered polite little boy i know and makes my girls look like little monsters, they get on brilliantly and play so well together.

I had planned to make a cottage pie from scratch for dinner, J's mummy is quite particular about his diet but had assured me this was one of his favorites. Now being a busy mum of four the chores seemed to just stack up and i was getting nowhere fast, soon it was time to collect Mimi from school and i hadn't even peeled a spud!

So after a quick scan of the fridge and with only 20 minutes until J was arriving, i found three ready made shop bought Shepard's pies at the back of the fridge. In my defence they were healthy living ones bought as a back up for when time was limit ted - this seemed like the perfect excuse and also they had to be eaten that day so.....

I quickly spooned them into an oven dish, popped them in the oven and twenty minutes later passed them off as my own.....am i really naughty? She was non the wiser and as she walked in i was busy boiling some broccoli to accompany MY Shepard's pie, so it wasn't all bad.

Another action packed weekend

I've just settled down after a hectic day shuttling the four girls to and from school, to playgroup, to nanny and grandads, dance class, tescos and in between i managed a trip to TKMAX and Home and bargain! I love home and bargain it does what it says on the tin and i never leave without spending at least £40 ( even though i only need kitchen roll!). I ended up buying 6 packets of ryvita to compensate for the whole jar of nuttella i done in yesterday, the diet starts today!

You may wonder how i managed to eat a whole jar but believe me it's doable, we spent the whole weekend enjoying the sunshine and was very busy so i needed the sugar boost. Saturday morning me and the big girls went to Gulliver's world in Warrington to celebrate Mimi's friends 5th birthday and we had a fab day, the weather was great, we met Leroy the lion, went on the log flume (amongst other rides) and had a wonderful picnic - cake included. We then went home for a family BBQ and ate a few rather dodgy chops and burgers.

Sunday we went to Ainsdale beach, my brother tagged along as his wife was in London watching Britney (how gutted am i, i could have combined the BMB meet up with a Britney concert if I'd have been on the ball). The kids had so much fun and played in the sand for hours. Eva was her usual moaning self and was only happy when she'd swiped my cider lolly after throwing her lemonade one in the sand mid tantrum. But the other three were in their element, Bella ran around all day long, and the big girls buried uncle As feet in the sand! We finished the day off in style with a last minute trip to McDonald's - happy meals all round!

Watch out Britney and Paris......

This is Mia and Sofia doing their best Paris and Britney impressions......i take noooo responsibility for the bling bling outfits - they are courtesy of the grandparents.

Techno phobe

So i have just joined twitter - woop woop! I know it's about time and I'm way behind this whole technology thing but i haven't got a clue and i still don't understand it, but thanks to yummy mammy who is now my first official follower, yeah me. I have yet to post an update as like i say i haven't a clue how it works but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon. I also took a tip from susanna over at British mummy bloggers, she advised everyone to add a RSS feed thingy mybob, so i have tried and i think I've done it! It's exhausting keeping up with all these strange new ways to communicate.


Anyway as my minute brain cannot compute anything too trying this afternoon i have decided to complete the tag of "8" s given to me by the lovely Brits in Bosnia.

THE RULES ARE:
1) Mention the person who tagged you (done)
2) Complete the list of 8's
3) Tag 8 others and let them know

So here goes.....

8 Things I'm looking forward to

1. Spending the summer in France
2. My friends wedding next week
3. Having a spray tan for said friends wedding - as I'm WAY too pasty
4. Having all four kids in full time education - only 3 and half more years to go.
5. Watching Mimi and Fi in their first ever dancing recital
6. Devouring the king prawn Cantonese i will be ordering from the take away tonight
7. Finally getting all my brood out of nappies - 2 down(almost), 2 to go
8. Sleep - tonight

8 Things I did yesterday
1. Fished out a huge baby turd from the bath
2. picked up 200 soggy weeto's Bella had thrown over the kitchen floor
3. took the kids to the park
4. went to Ikea to invest in a non mouldy plastic table for the kids(the 4th wooden one from there has weetabix ingrained into it)
5. Washed my hair
6. Cooked spaghetti bolognase - which no one ate?
7. ate a whole packet of custard creams - i didn't even feel guilty
8. Spent a whole hour trying and failing to comment on the brilliant metropolitan mum's blog post about her losing 2lbs this week - well done. I'm sorry but your blog won't let me comment?

8 Things I wish I could do
1. Lose weight - i have no willpower
2. enjoy exercise - i hate it
3. Speak fluent french - i am going to have serious problems come the summer if i don't master this one
4. Not loose my temper and shout at the kids
5. Sing - unfortunately i do not have the voice of an angel
6. enjoy housework and cooking
7. play the piano
8. wear nail polish without it chipping after 30 seconds, subsequently making me look like a total skank!
8 favourite fruits
WTF? Whoever came up with this question needs to get out more - i like most fruits, but not grapefruit!

8 Places I'd like to travel
1. Italy - the Vatican
2. Vegas baby
3. South Africa
4. Dorset
5. Peru
6. Austria
7. the northern lights
8. New Zealand


8 Places I've lived
1. Liverpool - I was born there
2.Switzerland - Spent four months working as a chalet host on my gap year
3. Preston - i went to Uni there
4. France - okay not yet, but we are hoping to very soon
5. Vancouver - well okay this is a fib i spent a few weeks there visiting family when i was sixteen
I haven't lived anywhere else.......yet!


8 people tagged are:

Amy @ and1moremeansfour

Rebel Mother

Emily @ Maternal Tales

Laura @ Are we nearly there yet mummy?

Katherine @ Supply and Demands?

Diary of a suprise mum

Milla

Perfectly Happy Mum

Eyes down for a full house

I've just returned form my first ever visit to the bingo, well OK i tell a lie i did actually play bingo at Butlins from 1990 - 1995, but seen as i was underage and was playing for sweets and cuddly toys it doesn't count. I can't say i was too impressed, the fact they call it MECCA is hilarious as the clientele was ewt but saintly, i didn't win a thing, NADA, but i did leave feeling slightly svelte and young! The average customer was 25 stone and over the age of sixty five.

So, what was a hip young thing doing down the local bingo hall you might ask? I was cajoled into going with one of my mummy friends, she had been with her mum the previous week and won £360.....so i though i might as well give it a go, as they say "you've got be in it to win it." I'm sorry i bothered i didn't even get a "sweat on" and am ashamed to say i struggled to keep up with all those numbers flying around, i gave up in the end. I received some very hostile stares and the regulars was anything but welcoming, it made the yummy mummy brigade at Mia's school gates look like sweet little kittens in comparison, so i don't think I'll be going again.

It's official....i'm a lightweight!

This weekend i escaped from my mummy job and spent the night on the town in Leeds with my bestest and some old school friends, i had a ball and i definitely needed to let my hair down but i don't think i will be repeating it anytime soon. You see i am a major lightweight and since having kids i am laughable, making it past 12:30 am is considered an all nighter for me now!

So having spent all Saturday night in and out of all the glamorous bars and on the guest list of some apparently exclusive nightclub, it got to two am and i was seriously flagging, i wanted to take off my dancing shoes head straight home and have a cup of tea. My party mad best friend was not the slightest bit impressed, but i pouted and refused to dance anymore, so she had no choice to admit defeat - i mean two am is commendable for me! We stopped off for the essential kebab and i was tucked up in bed and fast asleep for three thirty.

To be honest going out on the town doesn't hold much appeal to me anymore, i build it up in my head and get really excited about having a good dance and getting all dolled up but after about two hours i find myself wondering what the kids are up too and wishing i was home reading them their bedtime story. I know i sound so dull, and i can assure you i was quite the party animal pre-kids, but if i want to completely let myself go then i need to be hammered and i just cannot take the hangovers anymore, they no longer last a day but all week, and it's just not worth it. We had a great time travelling down to Leeds on the train and meeting my friend for lunch in Nandos (mmmmmmm..so delicious), and the best part of the whole weekend was getting ready with my mates over a few bottles of wine and swapping make up tips, something i haven't done in years and had forgotten how much fun it is. I guess i really am growing up - scary!

I really shouldn't have worried about the kids though as they were busy being spoiled by my parents (hence the chavtastic outfits) who had taken them out on a shopping spree, Mimi resembled Paris Hilton and Fi looked like Britney.

Knickerless!

The perils of not having a car are beginning to take it's toll now and if i never see a black cab again it will be too soon, i promise i will do a post soon dedicated to the loss of my car and all will be revealed it's just i am still to traumatised to talk about it yet!

Me and the girls took a cab to visit my friend J and her two girls, it took all my strength just to get us out of the door as Mimi is becoming quite the little diva; demanding matching bobbles, bunches not plates, bratz knickers not Cinderella ones, aquafresh toothpaste not crest, a skirt not shorts, readybrek not weetabix and no plumbs in her socks (don't ask) - she is exhausting. We finally made it to my friends house and had a lovely time, whilst me and J drunk lots of tea and discussed what i should wear to my friends wedding in two weeks (i still haven't bought a dress) the girls were busy playing in the tree house and the twins were fascinated with their gorgeous pet rabbit Pepito. We were discussing clothes when she started to explain how she was wearing big granny pants today and how uncomfortable they were in comparison to her usual thongs, i don't know about you but i am definitely a fan of big pants and could not think of anything worse than a piece of string stuck in between my arse. whilst we are on the topic of knickers i was horrified to discover, whilst in the middle of a very busy park, that Mimi was wearing NO knickers! We had decided later on in the afternoon to take a stroll to the local play area and as i was helping the girls onto the climbing frame i spotted mi flashing everything she's not got. I was mortified, she must have forgotten in the midst of her morning tantrum and i didn't think to look - bad mummy.