Saturday, 27 June 2009

Kids say the funniest things...not! Recycled

My recycling challenge is dead in the water, i never really got started so as i am hopeless at this recycling malarkey i thought i would follow in Emily's footsteps over at maternal tales by recycling one of my old posts - i don't think anyone has actually read it.................

Last night i made a rare escape from the mad house and went to see "the boat that rocked" at the pics with one of my mummy friends(trips to the pub to get pissed are usually reserved for my childless friends who still vaguely remember me pre- kids and therefore don't look at me with disgust when i drunkenly fall over and cut my knee open). The film was surprisingly funny, but to be honest I'd have watched paint dry if it meant eating popcorn and ice cream in peace.

Arriving at my friends house to pick her up i noted to her daughter, who's the same age as Mimi, that the pizza she was prodding around her plate at the dinning table was in fact one of Mimi's favorite dishes to which she replied:

"I don't like pizza, and john doesn't either mummy does he?

"Yes you do like pizza, and john does too now eat your dinner or there's no desert" my friend shot back.

"But mummy john doesn't like pizza, remember when he threw it at my head".

my friend calmly replied "now you know we don't mention that in front of other people sweetie, and he didn't throw the pizza at you he was aiming for mummy and missed."

LOL!!!!!!!!!! I nearly wet myself which isn't that difficult considering the state of my bladder control after pushing out 4 sprogs, but seriously the horror on my poor friends face was priceless and as she quickly began to regale me with details of how "pizza gate" unfolded(a standard domestic which resulted in her partner of 3yrs flinging pizza at her and missing) it took me back to when my 4 year old dropped me well and truly in the shit!

Just before Christmas we asked my sister if she could do a spot of RARE babysitting and when i say rare i mean rare - i can't remember the last time she looked after them for me. Now i have to add me and my husband were not doing a spot of Christmas shopping or catching up on some much needed "couple" time how i wish my life were that indulgent, no we were off for 1 hr to meet with a vicar and arrange my amazing mother-in-laws funeral(who had passed away suddenly 5 days earlier). My poor husband who was and still is devastated and in complete shock was understandably reluctant to meet with the vicar and wanted nothing to do with the funeral arrangements (luckily i eventually persuaded him he'd regret it if he didn't) wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible and so wasn't impressed when my sister telephoned (15 minutes after we needed to leave) to say she was on her way and would be another 10 minutes late due to the fact she had got held up talking to friends whilst shopping!!!!
I can't remember exactly what was said but lets just say my husband wasn't happy when i reported my sister would be another 10 minutes late and so my children were privy to some rather colourful language. Once sis had arrived seemingly unaware as to the distress she had caused and without an explanation as to why on such a difficult day she was late and very unapologetic, we left to meet the vicar only to find we'd missed out on all the decision making, the hymns, readings etc had already been chosen by the rest of my husbands family.

On our return home some 40 minutes later, my husband inconsolable with grief had completely forgotten about my sisters inconsiderate tardiness as had i, we were met by my brother who had been summoned without explanation to take over babysitting duties as my sister had to leave right away. I asked Mimi if she had any idea as to why auntie S had to go and she said:

"She was upset when i told her that daddy said she was a "fucking fat bitch", and that mummy said "well don't worry i won't be asking her again".


Yes my four year old had well and truly dropped me and hubby in it, i was mortified as was my husband who had meant absolutely no malice by it, it was a slip of the tongue during what was the most difficult time of his life and was supposed to be for the confines of our own home and never to be repeated. Yes the beauty of having kids is that you can never be sure if anything you say or do whilst in their presence (intended or not) will remain private.

My Husband wanted to call and apologise straight away but i assured him she would understand when she had calmed down that he did not intend to hurt her feelings as it was a private conversation, and anyway he had a lot on his plate without worrying himself about this. I later apologised to my sister after the funeral was out of the way, we had more pressing issues to deal with at the time and were struggling just to get through the days but to my astonishment she did not accept my apology gracefully. She was still extremely angry and could not believe we had the audacity to complain that she was late when she was doing us the favor (i can't wait till she has kids) and "So what if i was five minutes late" she retorted (actually more like twenty five minutes late and considering the circumstances it was a big deal, i mean how often does your husband have to arrange his mums funeral? Anyway relations are getting better now, things aren't as frosty anymore and once Christmas was out of the way we were on speaking terms again although I'm not sure things will ever be back to normal completely - kids eh?


  1. Oh dear! Yep, that's well and truly dropped in the shit!

    And a nice bit of recycling... ;0)

  2. Wow, you would hope she would have been a little more understanding! I have all of this to look forward to!

  3. Kids indeed, honest and innocent! I think we've all been there, said stuff in front of the kids that we didn't think about saying. Great post.

    CJ xx

  4. Glad mine can't talk yet!! x

  5. Gosh she really was quite insensitive!! And then to be arsey about the apology! I might have lamped her, you have the patience of a saint. I have stressed and stressed to my almost-always-late-for-babysitting sister how HARD it is to get a baby ready for a certain time, and then have to wait an extra 15 mins with shoes/coats on and them crying to go outside......grrrr.

  6. My mother did difficult at a professional level. She and my husband hated each other so I would visit without him and, because he would get so stroppy about it, I would often try to do the 260 mile round trip in a day.

    My mother had strong views on swearing and I was always in the soup if she caught me.

    I used to call them "driving words" in front of the children because my bad language was mainly heard when we were in the car. I carefully explained that sometimes Mummy needed to use bad words but you can only use them when you are driving. When you are grown up and you can drive blah, blah... you get it. I thought I had it nailed. Felt really proud of myself.

    On one of these famous visits, we had a totally awful journey including a tyre blow-out on the M$. It required the full quota of driving words. We were hours late arriving and my mother was very grumpy. The kids spilled out of the car full of excitement about the journey, dead keen to tell their grandmother about the excitement and explained that Mummy had used all sorts of driving words in many and varied combinations. She asked them what were driving words. Madette said "Oh things like bloody and bugger, Nain" and Junior Mad added "And fuck".

    We had a great day.

    Just think how superior you can be when your sis has sprogs.


  7. your life sounds so busy and so very funny - although I bet occasionally it can drive you mad. I don't envy your husband in about 10 years time sharing his space with five hormonal females :p

  8. Out of the mouth of babes!

    Oh dear, they do drop you in it with their honesty.

    Very funny though! RMxx

  9. OMG - yes well and truely, you have it all to come x

    Dancinfairy - all i can say is make the most of it while they still can't talk :) x

    CJ - thanks, i think they are a little too honest sometimes x

    Sandy - Make the most of it coz you have all this to look forward too x

    Allgrownup - Haha "lamped" i love that expression, i'll try that next time :) I'm ttotally with you on the inconsiderate sis thing , just think we can pay them back when it's their turn x

    MBNAD - My hubby and my dad have a similar"can't stand each other" relationship, and my dad is difficult with a capital D! Bet your mother never let you live it down - i would have loved to see the look on her face when the little one said "fuck" lol x

    French fancy - I am often found sat in the corner drooling ha. My husbands in for a hell of a ride and they've all got him wrapped around their little fingers - god help him x

    RM -yes it wasn't one of my most proudest moments asd a parent but it certainly did teach us a lesson - ear muffs all the way now :) x

  10. Oh no! Luckily there have been no swear words out of S's mouth so far but we try our hardest not to say them when he's around which is quite difficult!! Kids are too honest x

  11. Hi,
    Kids heh - who'd have them! I often cringe when my 8 year old starts telling some story or other to his grandparents. I wonder what he's going to come out with. Luckily so far we've avoided a similar family crisis!
    Cheers, Chloe


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